procastination, i.

I have a lot of work to do. Like, I-am-on-the-verge-of-a-panic-attack-amount of work. Accordingly, in the past hour I have:

Solved two crossword puzzles
Discovered the word for the "plastic shoelace thingey," via said crosswords (aglet)
Made yet another to-do list, this time by setting up gmail's Tasks option
Eaten a quarter of an apple turnover
Eaten five Newman's Own Ginger-O's
Read several emails
Checked facebook twice
Paced back and forth between my room and the living room for approx. 10 minutes
Contemplated smoking cigarette, but decided that I had to at least try to write something
Failed to write anything except this blog post

I am an excellent procrastinator.

A history lesson

I'm supposed to be at a birthday celebration right now, but I decided to claim migraine (true!) and stay home and watch videos on the internet. Now, here we have a wonderful history lesson of American warfare from WWII onwards. Sadly, this is possibly the most comprehensive lesson I have ever received on the 20th century as:
1. It is highly unlikely I will take a history course in my remaining time in college and
2. In elementary and high school, we never made it to the 20th century in any of my history classes. Seriously. Well, maybe to WWII, but I'm not sure if that happened. And definitely, never past that. We spent a lot of time on the Revolutionary and Civil War. Every fucking year.

To move onwards and forwards, this is kind of amazing. Also, for the record, the piles of noodles with brown meat are apparently beef stroganoff (zee russianz). That I didn't get because I've never known anyone to actually eat beef stroganoff.



This video was created by Stefan Nadelman. Here is a link to and here is one for a list of the wars and here is a cheat sheet for the foods involved in these epic battles.

nostalgia of sorts

I've never really wanted to be famous, especially considering today's celebrity culture. However, in my internet wanderings, these old Sesame Street clips made me remember why I would like to be. How awesome would it be to be able to sing like this with a bunch of muppets, telling kids why the alphabet is fucking rad?

Here's a couple for our road to fame:





Seriously. This is the real reason to get famous people. To be on Sesame Street, hanging out with Oscar the Grouch.

cubs lost

so I told you there would be a post on baseball, but I am heartbroken that it is about this.

Cubs lost. Pathetically. To the Dodgers. I was at work during the last game and I booked it outta there during the 7th because I couldn't fucking watch it anymore. It was just too painful. And on that note, here is a video.



William Murray's face? Mine, for the past two weeks.

ways I waste time on the internet #2

2. Television.

Now I know what you're thinking. Television happens on the tv. Unfortunately, the development of TV on the internet has spelled the death of any productive time I once had on the computer, or elsewhere. Like, in life.

Once upon a time, I only watched one tv show. Gilmore Girls. Every week, Tuesday at 8/7c.

Since it's fall again and all the tv shows are starting up, this is the full list of what I watch over the course of the week (not all of these have started yet so I'm anticipating by a couple weeks). Not when they air, but later on the internet, usually, like for several hours earlier today, when I should have been doing work.

Sundays: Mad Men
Mondays: Gossip Girl, Chuck, Heroes
Tuesday: (Apparently, nothing happens on Tuesdays. I meant to start watching 90210 since it has Michael from the Wire on it and Lucille Bluth, but I think we all know this show is going to be discovered, murdered and covered in lime, in an abandoned house along with all the other shitshows of seasons past)
Wednesday: Pushing Daisies, (sometimes, because it actually blows) Private Practice
Thursday: Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy (inexplicably because this unsurprisingly blows as well), 30 Rock, My Name is Earl
Friday: (The Game actually comes out on Fridays I think, but I don't watch this show regularly, even though I do rather like it)
Saturday: I will admit to watching the SNL tina fey as palin clips lately, but everyone knows this show blows, and they are only seven minutes long, tops since no one actually watches the whole damn show and they don't even post the entire thing on the internet because they are fucking stupid (because if The Powers That Be did, I would probably watch it)

Now that is seven hour-long dramas and two half-hour sitcoms every fucking week, not to mention all the tv on dvd I watch. I managed to finish Twin Peaks in about two weeks on top of this grueling tv watching schedule. Buffy, Arrested Development, Gilmore Girls, Freaks and Geeks, Veronica Mars... I like to rewatch the same things over and over.

Am I fucking embarrassed? Yes. Am I ashamed of myself? Yes. Will I keep doing it? Sadly, yes.

I think my brain has melted and this is why I can no longer write or read books. I can give a person a brilliant summary on the plot points of Gossip Girl. And the minutiae I remember of Gilmore Girls terrifies even myself, sometimes. Kids, for the record, it's true. I used to be really smart. Television does rot the brain.

Also, thank god baseball season is almost over because the pressure to watch baseball games AND all this television is really more than I can bear. If you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm. Oh to be a cubs fan...

ways I waste time on the internet #1

This is a first of a very long list.

I like food. I like cooking, in theory. However, in practice, over the past few months I have developed the rather depressing habit of living off mediocre delivery. I order 40 dollars worth of food, once or twice a week, and continue to live off of it until it runs out.

Now, I've been trying to stop this habit because chicken tikka masala and saag paneer for four days in a row, twice a day is depressing enough. Once you add in the fact that fresh vegetable consumption is minimal and summed up by the tomato slice as garnish on the side, the practice is recast as a truly pathetic way of living.

At any rate, my cooking as of late is limited to the microwaving of frozen chicken pot pies, plain salad greens eaten with hands, and the occasional boiling of pasta. And coffee-making.

So can someone please explain to me why I spend over an hour a day reading cooking and food blogs? I read thekitchn. I read chow, even though it blows. I read eater, even though that blows too. I read all the New York Times food blogs. I always read the dining section of the Times as soon it comes out (often Wednesday, 12 am on the internet). I read Not Eating Out in NY. I read Grub Street.

And that's just the list of what I read every fucking day. It doesn't even add in the websites and blogs I'll stumble onto and then waste several hours looking through their entire back catalogue.

An ex once pointed out that I spend more time reading about cooking and food than I do actually cooking. Or eating for that matter. And that I prefer to do the former more than the latter.

When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time in front of the television. Saturdays were all about watching a huge block of cooking shows on PBS. My favorite was Jacques Pépin's Cooking with Claudine. It consisted of the most awesome French chef ever cooking with his daughter, who was relatively inept in the kitchen.

A common interaction was this:
--Dad, what should I do?
--Oh, you can chop the onions. (all in a wonderful french accent)
--How should I chop them, like this?
--Non, non (tries to take knife away)
--I can do it Dad (refuses to let go of knife).

It was sort of lovely and adorable, as they were obviously very fond of one another even as they got a little bit testy.

Now as pbs no longer has six hour blocks of awesome cooking shows any longer (Jacques and Julia, anyone?), that stuff I supposed being relegated to the crapfest of cable, my only option is to read this stuff on the internet. At any rate, if I were ever to start cooking regularly, I already know plenty. Or at least I've seen them do it on tv, and it can't be that hard at home. Right?

ps. I know I've been gone for a long time. Upcoming posts: Friends! Baseball! School?

procrastination

so i've been meaning to not let this blog die but that is a FAIL thus far.

I've been percolating some entries for a while that will trickle out I hope.

april fool's

We hate April Fool's day.

It's not because WaP lacks a sense of humor or because we don't like a good prank.

We hate it because the "jokes" end up making us sad or disappointed that they are not, in fact, actually true.

For example, the famous spaghetti tree incident of 1957. Yeah, of course there can be no such thing as a spaghetti tree. But think about how COOL it would be if there were!



We mean seriously, look at it. Spaghetti! That grows on a tree!

And this year's google mail prank: Gmail Custom Time

Think about how rad it would be. Yes professor, I totally emailed that paper in on time! LOOK AT THE TIME STAMP! Oh, Mr. WaP I totally did not forget your birthday but sent that email greeting card at midnight on the dot. LOOK AT THE TIME STAMP!

WaP dislike April Fool's jokes because they prey on people's hopes and dreams that magic has finally turned into reality. They're a little bit mean.

Most importantly, we don't like them because we are gullible and fall them every. damn. time.

It's getting embarrassing, really.

transitional colds

We don't exactly know why this happens, but seasonal changes always bring about colds. WaP thinks our current ailments might have something to do with the 7am ragers that have been going on lately in our lives, as well as the unfortunate tendency to go outside without a sweater to cool down to smoke a cigarette after dancing up a storm.

At any rate, the true reason for this unfortunate nasal congestion is as of yet unknown, but irritating nonetheless. This is made more so by the fact that one right ear is stuffed up and won't "pop" properly, giving us a lopsided feeling in the head.

Here at WriteaPostcard, we advocate Puffs tissues for sore noses. Advertising WORKS.



Look at how cute those little red-nosed cartoons are! And how happy their noses are after they use a puffs tissue! We know it's a scam, but having fully embraced it, we still advocate Puffs tissues because the brand's success means more adorable commercials on the tv.

hangover food

Depending on what one has to achieve the morning after, hangover foods come in three different types.

1: Crashed at a friend' house
2. Late for work and trying not to barf on the train and at work
3. Managed to make it home and pass out on the bed with all one's clothes, but only one shoe still on kind

For the number one type, there are two wonderful options. The first and ideal one is brunch. Unfortunately, there are limitations--mostly that you have to be able to get up and move without getting sick all over yourself, to wait in a line for at least 15 minutes if not more, and also be able to sit upright in a chair for an extended period of time. Sometimes one, if not all three, of these things are really hard.

We are a big advocate of the Enid's brunch (Hungry Bears for Life!). WriteaPostcard realizes the inanity of advocating 15 dollar eggs and 6 dollar plates of bacon, but the main selling point is this: wonderfully delicious Bloody Marys, made properly. When else is it socially acceptable to have a drink that early in the day? Only at brunch. Of course, depending on the degree of hangover-ness, this is sometimes not a viable option.

The second option is to loll about on friend's couch, beg someone to pick up a slice of pizza, and watch movies all day. This happens unfortunately often to WaP, but luckily we have friends who are nice enough to nurse us back to coherence. This is an effective method but often leaves one with a dirty tinge all over, as we lament for the wasted day (see third option as well).

2. This is the worst kind of hangover because one cannot simply wallow in the lamentations of the poor choices made the night before, but must suck it up and get some shit done. WaP's general battle plan is usually a bottle of Vitamin Water (we prefer the cran-grapefruit kind or the lemonade) and a can of V8. The latter provides the salt necessary to assist in rehydration while the Vitamin Water is inoffensive enough to be swallowed quickly and purposefully in order to aid said rehydration. Some solid food must eventually be procured; WaP generally chooses a bagel. Unfortunately, something about going to work hungover usually results in all the food ending back up in the toilet.

3. WaP inevitably ends up ordering in Chinese food when we manage to make it home post-intense party hang. The rice and the fried Sesame Chicken or whatever is eventually ordered helps get something in one's stomach and is comforting in a vaguely gross sort of way. We usually feel a little dirty and shameful when this happens, but ordering delivery is wonderful since it provides you with enough food for at least the day and allows you to not have to leave the house. Shameful, yes. But the ability to watch Martha and eat Hot and Sour Soup on the couch far outweighs the personal cost.


Now, we know there are carbon pills or something that can be taken in order to prevent the above from happening (except brunch, which should be fully embraced at every possible opportunity). WriteaPostcard once took one AFTER drinking, but was still able to get up early the next morning and drive to Pittsburgh with our friend who was hungover because he did not take the pill (we think, at least). We also realize that this is quite possibly because we are accomplished drunks and called it a night earlier. It was called PartyOn or something silly. Further investigation is in order, but as a rule, the only way to prevent hangovers is alcohol abstinence. Since that is both a ridiculous and a terrifying thought, the search for the proper hangover panacea is unending!

delightfulness!

So anyone that has ever talked to writeapostcard has heard us expel at length about our inability to understand movies. In short, we don't like movies/films that often because we want them to be more like novels. And real novels. None of this Safran Foer Eggers Chabon crap, but the 19th century European novel. Our more general criticisms of films that we do manage to sit through are generally focused on plotting/characterization; the analyses of which translate more easily between the two mediums. We're not that visually inclined--WaP has really bad eyesight. So except for the most obvious moments, the beauty of the landscape doesn't particularly move us. Color palettes, shot composition, and whatever mumbo jumbo they teach aspirational film critics in Introduction to Film Theory...we don't get it. WaP should probably take a class or something.

The above is a disclaimer as we move on to a wholehearted endorsement of the movie "Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day."

It is the BEST MOVIE EVER. Rarely do we see a commercial for a movie and think, "WE HAVE to see that," and then even more rarely do we actually peel my lazy butt off the couch and actually go see it. It actually happened for this movie. We had mentioned repeatedly again and again to everyone we know how much we was looking forward to seeing it and it did not disappoint one bit, ladies and gentlemen.

Amy Adams is adorable. The cutesy princess voice she used for Enchanted reappears, but as the manifestation of her public persona; her "real" voice being the signal for her private, "real"self. In both modes, she continues to be absolutely darling.

And Frances McDormand plays a downtrodden, failure of a governess; the failure, it is hinted, arises because she is actually totally rad and likes to play with her charges and have fun even though she is tightly laced up in her Edwardian (we think?) upbringing.

Of course the movie ends in both characters finding their true! selves in a wacky (Hollywood style!), wonderful way replete with bedroom farces and a little bit of song.

We blushed in sheer enjoyment the entire time. It was so. fucking. adorable. It was like a non-furry form of cuteoverload.com put on screen.


(Also, the clothing is fucking wonderful in the way that all clothes from that period are. Look at that blue dress! And boys, if you bring the lady in your life to this movie, it might inspire her to invest in really amazing lingerie!)

An additional anecdote: After the movie ended, a NYU sorority looking girl, who had been sitting in front of us with her two friends, stood up and said, "That movie was terrible; from beginning to end, it sucked."

Our response to that loud statement was this: "You have no joy in your life."

Which doesn't even make that much sense, but the sentiment remains. Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day is the kind of movie that makes you smile; you walk out with a bounce in your step and a bit of joy in your heart. What kind of person can hate a movie like that?

first one!

So writeapostcard used to have a blog before they were called that. It was called a diaryland. Don't try to find it; we'll kill you (trying to adhere to blogging convention, and the great editorial we). Diaryland was what everyone in high school had and then myspace happened, so dland, as it was dubbed, became the slow, not as hip things kids had and the cool kids (i.e. yours truly) were on myspace (do you remember a life before myspace? Scary yeah?) Now kids are on facebook, and writeapostcard are too, except facebook is terrifying to us. There are too many wacky things that are too complicated, and make us miss geocities.

Anyways, this blog is the product of a gmail chat (Now can you remember a life before gmail chat? We can, but we'd prefer not to) with my friend whose name I will dutifully change to something that is else, which follows, excerpted, here:

friend: any creative writing i do is BAD
and self-absorbed

me: yeah i know

friend: its always emo thinly veiled autobiography about me and boys

me: well me too i mean
ME TOO!
it's like i can be funny and interesting when i write about other people's stuff but when it's about me i'm so fucking obnoxious!

friend: i know!

me: but seriously sometimes my really achieving friends bum me out and not [other sometimesfriend] where you feel bad while you're talking to him but then you're like I don't give a fuck if i've read all of freud or not after he finally leaves
but like, man why am i letting my youth and fertile creative years slip through my fingers?

friend: then DO it
i realized recently
that the reason people write novels
and i don't
is because i can't get over myself
to the point that i can edit my shitty writing
people who write edit and edit and edit until its good
thats what you have to do
you should totally do it

me: ugh. i usually just throw it out

friend: nope
gotta edit!

me: maybe i should write a blog. it's the ideal forum for the self-absorbed
ooh away message. lately i'm churning out some pretty good zingers

friend: thats what i do
its so fun
(blog)
away message is NOT a forum for your thoughts [writeapostcard]

me: haha
your [redacted] blog?

friend: uhuh

me: i thought that was mostly [friend's boyfriend]
do you write all that political stuff?

friend: uhuh
its mostly me

me: haha. i never realized how earnest you were
haha
it's okay though because it's good earnest and not annoying earnest

friend: she?
seee i mean?
i can't talk to people about it!
no one wants to hear it!
so i write about it in my blog

me: haha
pretty wonderful
i had a blog for a bit in high school but it was so emo it hurt
i tried to purge that shit out of the internet

friend: maybe you can make emo cool though [writeapostcard]!

Some time passes...

me: (i am reading your blaaaag)
(also your blog is okay because it is about IMPORTANT things while any blog I would write would spend inordinate amount of time on 1. the weather and how I do not like, regardless of temperature 2. my love life or lack thereof [possible culminating in an open invitation for potential make ou partners], and 3.my drinking, before during and after, continuously reiterating the arc of looking forward, enjoying, and regret, rinse and repeat.)

me: also be warned that if i do start a blog most of this conversation will probably be its first post

So here we are folks. I think the above is a fair warning for what is probably likely to intermittently follow.