words whose meanings are nothing like they sound like they would mean: fecund

Fecund.

It sounds...gross. Like it would be something vaguely decrepit, decaying. I was going to use it in relation to the end of a Zola novel. Then I realized that I was pretty sure it didn't mean what I thought it meant. You know, grossness. Maybe it's because it sounds like fecal? It almost rhymes with wanton and worsen (also gerund!).

It really means, according to the good ol' OED:

1. a. Of animals, the earth, etc.: Capable of producing offspring or vegetable growth abundantly; prolific, fertile.
2. Producing fertility, fertilizing. Cf. FECUNDITY

Who would have thought?

A RANT

Okay, seriously, what the fuck is up with books telling you the ending...ON THE BACK COVER.

I read the back cover to get a general idea of what the book is about, not to find out the stupid fucking ending!

The Oxford edition of Anna Karenina does this, as does the Penguin edition of Bellow's Ravelstein. Seriously, FUCK YOU publishers. And fire the morons that write the stupid back cover copy.

A question

How does a person meet new people? Like boys. For making out. (And for the record, I'm not soliciting.)

See, I meet "new" people (half of whom I'm pretty sure I've met before but it was too dark and I was too drunk to remember), mostly in bars, almost always when fueled by alcohol. And the problem is, see, that I go to the same bars. Other new people go to the same bars too, so none of us are new, we are all old and uninterested. And I like the people I know, but I don't want to make out with anymore of them.

This being the case where does one meet new people? And no, I will not meet men over the internet. In Superbad, Seth Rogan and that other guy from SNL said to go to pumpkin patches and farmer's markets, but I don't like doing things during the day.

Maybe I'll just move out west and chart some new territory. I may lose a bet, but at least I'll be in the sunshine.

oh fuuuuuuck

That is all.

a piece of advice

So after much thought and consideration, I have decided to remind all the boys of the world to get a haircut. Having long(ish) hair rarely looks good and usually looks gross. I don't mean a crew cut, which I also don't recommend, but a decent haircut that is flattering. It's worth the money if you don't have a female friend who can decently trim your hair. Go to a nice salon--you get a little head massage and they make your hair smell nice and it's really all quite pleasant.

I'm saying this because I keep seeing pictures of boys that are cute now and weren't before or vice versa and the only real difference is the hair. In fact, I have a friend who I have dubbed "handsome." He wasn't called that before; he got a decent haircut, and he is quite the ladies' man now.

So dudes. For the ladies, for yourselves, listen to Steven Malkmus, and cut your hair.

new years resolutions

Now I still have an absurd amount of work to do, and I don't even want to sit and make a list because the thought becomes...I just started to gag a little bit.

Anyways, this is a belated (typical!) list of my New Year's Resolutions.

1.Keep my room tidy, which to make realistic concessions means:
a. make my bed regularly
b. do my laundry more than once a month (part of this means pruning down my wardrobe so that this is less feasible)
c. put clothes in laundry basket rather than scattering them across floor
2. Spend less time on the internet
a. Also, stop cyberstalking boys I have crushes on since it makes me feel weird and furtive and creepy, like child molesters must feel sometimes, right?
3. Stop procrastinating, which has seriously been on my list since I was 13, but I figure if I keep hoping, it'll come true.
4. Graduate, without suffering another nervous breakdown
5. Drink less (already accomplished somewhat, thus far)
6. Watch less tv, and as a result start reading books again
7. Start going to the doctor more, and by more I mean ever. I have not seen a doctor in about five years, aside from going to my friend who is a chiropractor.
8. Wake up at a reasonable time, which also means going to bed at a reasonable hour as well.

Here it is. There are probably more, but I can't deal with all that right now.

procastination, i.

I have a lot of work to do. Like, I-am-on-the-verge-of-a-panic-attack-amount of work. Accordingly, in the past hour I have:

Solved two crossword puzzles
Discovered the word for the "plastic shoelace thingey," via said crosswords (aglet)
Made yet another to-do list, this time by setting up gmail's Tasks option
Eaten a quarter of an apple turnover
Eaten five Newman's Own Ginger-O's
Read several emails
Checked facebook twice
Paced back and forth between my room and the living room for approx. 10 minutes
Contemplated smoking cigarette, but decided that I had to at least try to write something
Failed to write anything except this blog post

I am an excellent procrastinator.