a piece of advice

So after much thought and consideration, I have decided to remind all the boys of the world to get a haircut. Having long(ish) hair rarely looks good and usually looks gross. I don't mean a crew cut, which I also don't recommend, but a decent haircut that is flattering. It's worth the money if you don't have a female friend who can decently trim your hair. Go to a nice salon--you get a little head massage and they make your hair smell nice and it's really all quite pleasant.

I'm saying this because I keep seeing pictures of boys that are cute now and weren't before or vice versa and the only real difference is the hair. In fact, I have a friend who I have dubbed "handsome." He wasn't called that before; he got a decent haircut, and he is quite the ladies' man now.

So dudes. For the ladies, for yourselves, listen to Steven Malkmus, and cut your hair.

new years resolutions

Now I still have an absurd amount of work to do, and I don't even want to sit and make a list because the thought becomes...I just started to gag a little bit.

Anyways, this is a belated (typical!) list of my New Year's Resolutions.

1.Keep my room tidy, which to make realistic concessions means:
a. make my bed regularly
b. do my laundry more than once a month (part of this means pruning down my wardrobe so that this is less feasible)
c. put clothes in laundry basket rather than scattering them across floor
2. Spend less time on the internet
a. Also, stop cyberstalking boys I have crushes on since it makes me feel weird and furtive and creepy, like child molesters must feel sometimes, right?
3. Stop procrastinating, which has seriously been on my list since I was 13, but I figure if I keep hoping, it'll come true.
4. Graduate, without suffering another nervous breakdown
5. Drink less (already accomplished somewhat, thus far)
6. Watch less tv, and as a result start reading books again
7. Start going to the doctor more, and by more I mean ever. I have not seen a doctor in about five years, aside from going to my friend who is a chiropractor.
8. Wake up at a reasonable time, which also means going to bed at a reasonable hour as well.

Here it is. There are probably more, but I can't deal with all that right now.

procastination, i.

I have a lot of work to do. Like, I-am-on-the-verge-of-a-panic-attack-amount of work. Accordingly, in the past hour I have:

Solved two crossword puzzles
Discovered the word for the "plastic shoelace thingey," via said crosswords (aglet)
Made yet another to-do list, this time by setting up gmail's Tasks option
Eaten a quarter of an apple turnover
Eaten five Newman's Own Ginger-O's
Read several emails
Checked facebook twice
Paced back and forth between my room and the living room for approx. 10 minutes
Contemplated smoking cigarette, but decided that I had to at least try to write something
Failed to write anything except this blog post

I am an excellent procrastinator.

A history lesson

I'm supposed to be at a birthday celebration right now, but I decided to claim migraine (true!) and stay home and watch videos on the internet. Now, here we have a wonderful history lesson of American warfare from WWII onwards. Sadly, this is possibly the most comprehensive lesson I have ever received on the 20th century as:
1. It is highly unlikely I will take a history course in my remaining time in college and
2. In elementary and high school, we never made it to the 20th century in any of my history classes. Seriously. Well, maybe to WWII, but I'm not sure if that happened. And definitely, never past that. We spent a lot of time on the Revolutionary and Civil War. Every fucking year.

To move onwards and forwards, this is kind of amazing. Also, for the record, the piles of noodles with brown meat are apparently beef stroganoff (zee russianz). That I didn't get because I've never known anyone to actually eat beef stroganoff.



This video was created by Stefan Nadelman. Here is a link to and here is one for a list of the wars and here is a cheat sheet for the foods involved in these epic battles.

nostalgia of sorts

I've never really wanted to be famous, especially considering today's celebrity culture. However, in my internet wanderings, these old Sesame Street clips made me remember why I would like to be. How awesome would it be to be able to sing like this with a bunch of muppets, telling kids why the alphabet is fucking rad?

Here's a couple for our road to fame:





Seriously. This is the real reason to get famous people. To be on Sesame Street, hanging out with Oscar the Grouch.

cubs lost

so I told you there would be a post on baseball, but I am heartbroken that it is about this.

Cubs lost. Pathetically. To the Dodgers. I was at work during the last game and I booked it outta there during the 7th because I couldn't fucking watch it anymore. It was just too painful. And on that note, here is a video.



William Murray's face? Mine, for the past two weeks.

ways I waste time on the internet #2

2. Television.

Now I know what you're thinking. Television happens on the tv. Unfortunately, the development of TV on the internet has spelled the death of any productive time I once had on the computer, or elsewhere. Like, in life.

Once upon a time, I only watched one tv show. Gilmore Girls. Every week, Tuesday at 8/7c.

Since it's fall again and all the tv shows are starting up, this is the full list of what I watch over the course of the week (not all of these have started yet so I'm anticipating by a couple weeks). Not when they air, but later on the internet, usually, like for several hours earlier today, when I should have been doing work.

Sundays: Mad Men
Mondays: Gossip Girl, Chuck, Heroes
Tuesday: (Apparently, nothing happens on Tuesdays. I meant to start watching 90210 since it has Michael from the Wire on it and Lucille Bluth, but I think we all know this show is going to be discovered, murdered and covered in lime, in an abandoned house along with all the other shitshows of seasons past)
Wednesday: Pushing Daisies, (sometimes, because it actually blows) Private Practice
Thursday: Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy (inexplicably because this unsurprisingly blows as well), 30 Rock, My Name is Earl
Friday: (The Game actually comes out on Fridays I think, but I don't watch this show regularly, even though I do rather like it)
Saturday: I will admit to watching the SNL tina fey as palin clips lately, but everyone knows this show blows, and they are only seven minutes long, tops since no one actually watches the whole damn show and they don't even post the entire thing on the internet because they are fucking stupid (because if The Powers That Be did, I would probably watch it)

Now that is seven hour-long dramas and two half-hour sitcoms every fucking week, not to mention all the tv on dvd I watch. I managed to finish Twin Peaks in about two weeks on top of this grueling tv watching schedule. Buffy, Arrested Development, Gilmore Girls, Freaks and Geeks, Veronica Mars... I like to rewatch the same things over and over.

Am I fucking embarrassed? Yes. Am I ashamed of myself? Yes. Will I keep doing it? Sadly, yes.

I think my brain has melted and this is why I can no longer write or read books. I can give a person a brilliant summary on the plot points of Gossip Girl. And the minutiae I remember of Gilmore Girls terrifies even myself, sometimes. Kids, for the record, it's true. I used to be really smart. Television does rot the brain.

Also, thank god baseball season is almost over because the pressure to watch baseball games AND all this television is really more than I can bear. If you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm. Oh to be a cubs fan...