procastination, i.

I have a lot of work to do. Like, I-am-on-the-verge-of-a-panic-attack-amount of work. Accordingly, in the past hour I have:

Solved two crossword puzzles
Discovered the word for the "plastic shoelace thingey," via said crosswords (aglet)
Made yet another to-do list, this time by setting up gmail's Tasks option
Eaten a quarter of an apple turnover
Eaten five Newman's Own Ginger-O's
Read several emails
Checked facebook twice
Paced back and forth between my room and the living room for approx. 10 minutes
Contemplated smoking cigarette, but decided that I had to at least try to write something
Failed to write anything except this blog post

I am an excellent procrastinator.

A history lesson

I'm supposed to be at a birthday celebration right now, but I decided to claim migraine (true!) and stay home and watch videos on the internet. Now, here we have a wonderful history lesson of American warfare from WWII onwards. Sadly, this is possibly the most comprehensive lesson I have ever received on the 20th century as:
1. It is highly unlikely I will take a history course in my remaining time in college and
2. In elementary and high school, we never made it to the 20th century in any of my history classes. Seriously. Well, maybe to WWII, but I'm not sure if that happened. And definitely, never past that. We spent a lot of time on the Revolutionary and Civil War. Every fucking year.

To move onwards and forwards, this is kind of amazing. Also, for the record, the piles of noodles with brown meat are apparently beef stroganoff (zee russianz). That I didn't get because I've never known anyone to actually eat beef stroganoff.



This video was created by Stefan Nadelman. Here is a link to and here is one for a list of the wars and here is a cheat sheet for the foods involved in these epic battles.

nostalgia of sorts

I've never really wanted to be famous, especially considering today's celebrity culture. However, in my internet wanderings, these old Sesame Street clips made me remember why I would like to be. How awesome would it be to be able to sing like this with a bunch of muppets, telling kids why the alphabet is fucking rad?

Here's a couple for our road to fame:





Seriously. This is the real reason to get famous people. To be on Sesame Street, hanging out with Oscar the Grouch.

cubs lost

so I told you there would be a post on baseball, but I am heartbroken that it is about this.

Cubs lost. Pathetically. To the Dodgers. I was at work during the last game and I booked it outta there during the 7th because I couldn't fucking watch it anymore. It was just too painful. And on that note, here is a video.



William Murray's face? Mine, for the past two weeks.

ways I waste time on the internet #2

2. Television.

Now I know what you're thinking. Television happens on the tv. Unfortunately, the development of TV on the internet has spelled the death of any productive time I once had on the computer, or elsewhere. Like, in life.

Once upon a time, I only watched one tv show. Gilmore Girls. Every week, Tuesday at 8/7c.

Since it's fall again and all the tv shows are starting up, this is the full list of what I watch over the course of the week (not all of these have started yet so I'm anticipating by a couple weeks). Not when they air, but later on the internet, usually, like for several hours earlier today, when I should have been doing work.

Sundays: Mad Men
Mondays: Gossip Girl, Chuck, Heroes
Tuesday: (Apparently, nothing happens on Tuesdays. I meant to start watching 90210 since it has Michael from the Wire on it and Lucille Bluth, but I think we all know this show is going to be discovered, murdered and covered in lime, in an abandoned house along with all the other shitshows of seasons past)
Wednesday: Pushing Daisies, (sometimes, because it actually blows) Private Practice
Thursday: Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy (inexplicably because this unsurprisingly blows as well), 30 Rock, My Name is Earl
Friday: (The Game actually comes out on Fridays I think, but I don't watch this show regularly, even though I do rather like it)
Saturday: I will admit to watching the SNL tina fey as palin clips lately, but everyone knows this show blows, and they are only seven minutes long, tops since no one actually watches the whole damn show and they don't even post the entire thing on the internet because they are fucking stupid (because if The Powers That Be did, I would probably watch it)

Now that is seven hour-long dramas and two half-hour sitcoms every fucking week, not to mention all the tv on dvd I watch. I managed to finish Twin Peaks in about two weeks on top of this grueling tv watching schedule. Buffy, Arrested Development, Gilmore Girls, Freaks and Geeks, Veronica Mars... I like to rewatch the same things over and over.

Am I fucking embarrassed? Yes. Am I ashamed of myself? Yes. Will I keep doing it? Sadly, yes.

I think my brain has melted and this is why I can no longer write or read books. I can give a person a brilliant summary on the plot points of Gossip Girl. And the minutiae I remember of Gilmore Girls terrifies even myself, sometimes. Kids, for the record, it's true. I used to be really smart. Television does rot the brain.

Also, thank god baseball season is almost over because the pressure to watch baseball games AND all this television is really more than I can bear. If you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm. Oh to be a cubs fan...

ways I waste time on the internet #1

This is a first of a very long list.

I like food. I like cooking, in theory. However, in practice, over the past few months I have developed the rather depressing habit of living off mediocre delivery. I order 40 dollars worth of food, once or twice a week, and continue to live off of it until it runs out.

Now, I've been trying to stop this habit because chicken tikka masala and saag paneer for four days in a row, twice a day is depressing enough. Once you add in the fact that fresh vegetable consumption is minimal and summed up by the tomato slice as garnish on the side, the practice is recast as a truly pathetic way of living.

At any rate, my cooking as of late is limited to the microwaving of frozen chicken pot pies, plain salad greens eaten with hands, and the occasional boiling of pasta. And coffee-making.

So can someone please explain to me why I spend over an hour a day reading cooking and food blogs? I read thekitchn. I read chow, even though it blows. I read eater, even though that blows too. I read all the New York Times food blogs. I always read the dining section of the Times as soon it comes out (often Wednesday, 12 am on the internet). I read Not Eating Out in NY. I read Grub Street.

And that's just the list of what I read every fucking day. It doesn't even add in the websites and blogs I'll stumble onto and then waste several hours looking through their entire back catalogue.

An ex once pointed out that I spend more time reading about cooking and food than I do actually cooking. Or eating for that matter. And that I prefer to do the former more than the latter.

When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time in front of the television. Saturdays were all about watching a huge block of cooking shows on PBS. My favorite was Jacques Pépin's Cooking with Claudine. It consisted of the most awesome French chef ever cooking with his daughter, who was relatively inept in the kitchen.

A common interaction was this:
--Dad, what should I do?
--Oh, you can chop the onions. (all in a wonderful french accent)
--How should I chop them, like this?
--Non, non (tries to take knife away)
--I can do it Dad (refuses to let go of knife).

It was sort of lovely and adorable, as they were obviously very fond of one another even as they got a little bit testy.

Now as pbs no longer has six hour blocks of awesome cooking shows any longer (Jacques and Julia, anyone?), that stuff I supposed being relegated to the crapfest of cable, my only option is to read this stuff on the internet. At any rate, if I were ever to start cooking regularly, I already know plenty. Or at least I've seen them do it on tv, and it can't be that hard at home. Right?

ps. I know I've been gone for a long time. Upcoming posts: Friends! Baseball! School?

procrastination

so i've been meaning to not let this blog die but that is a FAIL thus far.

I've been percolating some entries for a while that will trickle out I hope.